Being Present
It’s funny how God uses whatever He wants to speak to one of His children’s immediate needs. I have been irritable for several days now and couldn’t quite figure out what was ailing me. I went to God for “the cure,” hoping He could set me back on course because I was really tired of the mood and its “fruit.” I got distracted and wasn’t really hearing from God and clicked on a video that was on a window I was viewing about Carrie Prejean’s latest story in the news (the de-throned Miss USA after the stand she took on same sexed marriage). The video was not Carrie Prejean as I had hoped. It was Joan Cusak, talking to someone on the Today show. The interviewer asked her what is the most important thing your kids have taught you in your time of being a mom. She said, “To be present.” She went on to describe that presence with her kids is really all that matters in being a mom. She went on, and I am parphrasing…. Getting to busy to see and feel what is going on with them, to laugh with them, is just a waste, and then the moment is gone, that chance to connect is gone forever.
I knew that was resonating with me. I knew God was leading me back to prayer with Him and listening to what He would have to say about that. I became suddenly convicted that I had been seeking God’s presence for what it could do for me. I was selfishly wanting to access Him so that I could improve my situation. I confessed my selfishness, and told Father that I simply wanted to be in Him and He in me because I do not like who I am without His Presence in me. So I began to ask God how I could get back on track and present with Him. I simply heard, “Psalms.” I asked, “Which Psalm?” I heard, “102.” Now, since this has happened a few times before, I knew I was about to get set straight, maybe even chastised a little, but I have come to trust that God always does the chastising in a very loving way. I read with anticipation. The discipline went down like a smooth 1st cup of coffee in the morning.
Psalm 102
A prayer of an afflicted man. When he is faint and pours out his lament before the LORD.
1 Hear my prayer, O LORD;
let my cry for help come to you.
2 Do not hide your face from me
when I am in distress.
Turn your ear to me;
when I call, answer me quickly.
3 For my days vanish like smoke;
my bones burn like glowing embers.
4 My heart is blighted and withered like grass;
I forget to eat my food.
5 Because of my loud groaning
I am reduced to skin and bones.
6 I am like a desert owl,
like an owl among the ruins.
7 I lie awake; I have become
like a bird alone on a roof.
8 All day long my enemies taunt me;
those who rail against me use my name as a curse.
9 For I eat ashes as my food
and mingle my drink with tears
10 because of your great wrath,
for you have taken me up and thrown me aside.
11 My days are like the evening shadow;
I wither away like grass.
12 But you, O LORD, sit enthroned forever;
your renown endures through all generations.
13 You will arise and have compassion on Zion,
for it is time to show favor to her;
the appointed time has come.
14 For her stones are dear to your servants;
her very dust moves them to pity.
15 The nations will fear the name of the LORD,
all the kings of the earth will revere your glory.
16 For the LORD will rebuild Zion
and appear in his glory.
17 He will respond to the prayer of the destitute;
he will not despise their plea.
18 Let this be written for a future generation,
that a people not yet created may praise the LORD :
19 “The LORD looked down from his sanctuary on high,
from heaven he viewed the earth,
20 to hear the groans of the prisoners
and release those condemned to death.”
21 So the name of the LORD will be declared in Zion
and his praise in Jerusalem
22 when the peoples and the kingdoms
assemble to worship the LORD.
23 In the course of my life [a] he broke my strength;
he cut short my days.
24 So I said:
“Do not take me away, O my God, in the midst of my days;
your years go on through all generations.
25 In the beginning you laid the foundations of the earth,
and the heavens are the work of your hands.
26 They will perish, but you remain;
they will all wear out like a garment.
Like clothing you will change them
and they will be discarded.
27 But you remain the same,
and your years will never end.
28 The children of your servants will live in your presence;
their descendants will be established before you.”
Set firmly and lovingly back on course, I prayed this prayer.
Father,
You have led me to see that I was seeking you for what you could do for my situation right now. In your wisdom and perfect provision, you led me to these verses. What I am hearing is that my days will whither away like grass. My situation is really important to me and important to you, but it so very temporary. But you, will always be. You, have always been. Your presence in my heart, You being before me so that I can study Your character, Your ways, Your heart, is more important that anything that has been done or will be done, or needs to be done. I confess I am NOT present with You or anyone else. I have to be present with You to be present with others. After I connected to You this morning for just that short little time, I wanted to be present with the kids. It was like my priorities were instantly in line, but then I went on about my agenda and became rushed and impatient with them and myself again. I thought at some point, Tuesday is the only day I get to spend the whole day with them. I really ought to be able to be positive and patient on one full day with them a week by myself. I then felt like a bad mom, but in my own shame, I couldn’t do anything about it. The best I could do was withdraw. The worst I could do was be irritable and angry.
I see that you are teaching me a lesson here about the importance of your presence. It’s more important than anything that has ever happened and anything that ever will happen. You are the only thing that does not whither. After my body has withered into dust, our connection is the only thing that will have mattered. For my future generations, the only thing that will remain from my legacy is my presence with them and how that in part shaped my children into the people they will become.
You can never really predict where the next word from God will come. Today, God had a sense of humor and teamed up with Joan Cusak to reach me right where I am.
